As I was about to start this article I was sitting in a cafe. I was brainstorming via a good cup of cappuccino and a bucket load bland lounge music. The only subject coming to my mind was Antonio Conte’s wig…. Since it probably wasn’t a suitable subject for a whole post, I desperately tried to put it behind me. But seriously? Have you seen it?
Why is it that a totally ok looking guy chooses to let his head participate in a tender embrace with someone else’s surplus hair? He didn’t look bad when semi bald did he? And who does anyway? It’s all a question about how you wear your lack of hair. Unless you’re a nutty professor, for whom wildly flying thin, white locks are apparently only a symbol of knowledge and indulgement in the matter, the only and by far the easiest solution is just to shave it all off. No harm done.
The images of little hair Conte from a couple of years back and a lot of hair Conte from today gives the impression of a vain man with silly habits. I know that a guy like me with hair down to somewhere on my back (I obviously cannot see exactly where) shouldn’t talk about other men being girly – but come on…
Let’s look at it this way. Does Luciano Spalletti look girly? Does Jan Koller? Jaab Staam? I know that Conte does at last have one friend in the vanity department, but who want’s to be associated with Berlusconi?
On another and for Juventini much more serious note is the question about whether Conte himself is a wig (or toupé for that matter – what’s the difference anyway?) over the betraying lack of hair that is Juventus on the pitch. Unlike baldness on the head baldness on the pitch does actually matter and what Juve need is not a wig but some substantial regrowth cure. Does Conte stand a better chance to provide that than Luigi Delneri and his designer length stubbles (which he wears as a mustache as probably the only person in the world)?
It’s actually quite fun to tie everything in Juve to hair metaphors. Certainly Marco Motta on right full back reminds me of that kind of hair you’ll see on old geezers who desperately try to cover empty spots on their head with the hair from other parts of it. It doesn’t look convincing and it’s pretty damn thin to start with. Sørensen is more like a sturdy quiff who’ll stand upright even in the toughest gale but which hasn’t learned to fit into the look for the cocktail soiree that is the Serie A. It can be done, but’ it’ll take a lot of grease.
I like Antonio Conte. He was a good player for Juve. So was Ciro Ferrara. The lack of class is apparent in some areas of the pitch, but most importantly the majority of Juve players seem to lack some hair on the balls – if not the balls themselves. I’m sure Lars will cover the mercato in detail, and I’m quite surprised that I of all people wrote a piece on the Bianconeri. It wasn’t on purpose – I promise…. I was just sitting in a cafe having an overdose of lounge music (talk about lack of balls), so please bear with me.
Photo by GraphicReality